Another Journal Entry.

Seems like last Friday wasn’t my day really, even from my TGIF … then from another angle, it was probably my day. You know one of those days that you wake up on the right side of the bed like you do everyday especially if your bed is correctly placed against the wall but the only difference is that this day just feels wrong or down from the moment you step out of it! Maybe I should’ve slept longer like it wouldn’t have made a difference.

With Moody Mercy popping up here and there in the course of the day, the day ended with me witnessing two people (whom I don’t know) getting hit by a bus. My reaction was, trembling, holding mouth in shock and a huge wave of fear. I didn’t even want to look because that for a moment looked like a horror movie. So you want to know why don’t watch horrors? Not because I am scared ok that’s a lie but because I put myself in the position of the actors and I start thinking, what if it was me? what if that happened to me? what would I do, where would I be taken?

Besides learning to look right, then left, then right again before crossing … I would love to learn how to react after an accident, because clearly, I don’t feel like I helped in any way besides looking and feeling pity for the victims *sigh*. I don’t know if that’s a sign of regret, because to be honest I would like to know what happened to them … but because I did not help I’ll never know. I just said a word prayer for them and asked God to take care of them, because that just happened, out of the blues, unexpected … It wasn’t planned.

That’s the thing with life, we can plan so much and something happens that distorts everything. It could make you move 10 steps back after you had made an effort to just go 2 steps ahead. Do you ever wonder why it’s like that?

Why you would struggle to get where you are and just in a snap of a finger, it all gets demolished. You know how you can be playing a board game (scrabble, chess), then someone comes and dismantles your game and you either have to start all over again or try and remember how exactly it was but chances are that you’ll miss a thing or two because as you were playing you weren’t anticipating that someone will come and do that, so you were doing your best shot so that you can win in the end. Or have you ever typed a document and you’ve poured your heart out, researched, thought out and all then just before you save KPLC does what it does best and you loose your information or the power on your laptop dies or windows decided to pull a restart thank God for office word recovery and windows resume.

That’s the most empty feeling. You feel like you’ve just wasted your time doing all that, only for it to just get disregarded. Then someone comes and tells you; never give up or I understand what you’re going through and all the nice things that you don’t want to hear at that particular time, because only you knows the sacrifice or effort you have made to get there. Someone else could have gone through worse, but at that time you’re you, so you can’t feel how worse their situation is, but you can feel how bad yours is already.

Don’t you wish that life was like Windows that allows you to resume where you were if you make a blander or something unplanned happens as you were . Anyhow, this life again is just amazing and as much as we say make much of the moment you have for you don’t know what tomorrow holds. How exactly are you supposed to do that? We only have 24 hrs in a day, 10 hrs of which you are at work or school and the others you are probably up and about trying to make what is your life.

Then again it’s probably all in the mind. Maybe happy moments are just made up in the mind of course sometimes coupled with good people and good laughs. I mean when you think about it logically, you can go to a fun place, surrounded by the coolest people, plenty of drinks and food and it gives other people the impression that you’re having fun, just based on that fact … having laughs, smiles, interesting convos, eating much (that’s probably just me…lol) but deep inside you’re frowning … looks like you’re having that moment and living it up to others but to you, it’s just another way of passing time, it’s a solid plan to say the least.

Now that I think of it, that moment we all talk about, is all in your head/mind, it’s not about the people you’re with or what you’re up to? That’s what I was thinking all weekend, thanks to not having much to do. You don’t have to be at a kicking party to enjoy that moment of your life … I mean there are people who cannot manage to live like that but you can see how much joy they have.

Sometimes it’s hard to control our feelings … if you’re sad, happy, confused, joyful maybe again that’s also a moment of your living … feel it, experience it and move on to the next because you can only manage the heart for so long or at least you can pretend to. I tend to think the heart is the most disobedient part of your body, why the hell doesn’t it just get on with the program? Which also could be the reason a friend of mine on facebook posted the update below,

Dear heart,
Please do your work which is pumping blood and stop involving yourself in other things.
Yours truly, Victim

LOL … the heart just doesn’t cooperate! And I bet God knew that fully well. So lets just not deceive ourselves that we can live the WOW moment every single day, I think he factored in things like being unhappy, sad, disappointed 🙁 … the difference is how fast we lift ourselves from those negative factors and notice how much life has to offer and how much time we waste on down-time … Just like a system only that we are living beings … Do you know how much you loose on your down time? You’ve probably made someone not smile, that’s a big thing you know … lol just kidding *not*

I don’t know where I’m heading with this, that’s why it’s just another journal entry … but all in all whatever happens in one’s life, there definitely has to be a reason that we can’t question? We just have to live with it and make the best out of it whether good or bad. Easy to say but hard to do … but it’s not like we are left with many other options to choose from.


So …  to an awesome week *cheers*

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*