Can You Say You Completely Know Someone?

Hello there! How’s your Monday? Well, mine started interestingly. I had mini-insomnia yester-night. Perhaps the problem could be that I slept a little earlier than usual in the hope that I’ll wake up early. It’s a real struggle. Then in the middle of the night, I found myself eyes wide open and with no sleep for what felt like hours. Then to top it off, I have fresh box braids installed, so there’s no comfortable position to sleep in because my scalp is painfully adjusting to this new style. Then it got to a point I eventually slept and I was overcome by so much sleep, so much so when I was shifting dreams, my alarm clock went off. Grrrr! That’s how my morning started, but I warmed up to the day and now I’m feeling fresher than ever – spring in my step type of things.


Anyhow, I was not about to waste that time I spent staring at the ceiling in darkness and at such ungodly hours. And so I was thinking about ‘knowing people.’ Like can you really say you completely know someone? Especially if it’s someone that you have an intimate relationship with, like your spouse, boyfriend, partner, significant other, person, bae – or any other term you would prefer to use. That’s a question I’ve posed to you, so you can share your thoughts.

I have had discussions with some my friends and you will we hear us randomly say that you want to date someone for a little longer, because you want to get to know them before making a commitment to say marry the person. The most ideal timelines are said to be about 2 to 4 years of dating and courting in this day and age, but even then, can you really say you completely know this person? Because I think people reveal to you what they want you to see or perceive them as, as opposed to who they are. And this is usually for the duration of time that they can hold on to it or until it shows itself, because there comes a time when who you truly are cannot be concealed anymore. Sometimes it’s situations that you’re placed in or exposed to that showcase the true nature of the person that you’re with.

I remember my mum once making a cheeky joke, she does that a lot. She’s been married to my dad for a little over 30 years now, but she says there are still some things about him that surprise her to-date. Maybe that’s what keeps the relationship exciting, because theirs is aging like fine wine. Like the way she would have expected him to react in a certain circumstance, is perhaps not the same way he reacted. She had imagined he would react the same way he had on an almost similar past occurrence from years ago. But people change. Or when there’s a new situation and she would say see a side of him she hadn’t seen before. And it’s been a journey of learning, unlearning and learning.

A person is not like a book, where you can read them, cram the words or content, and recite that content years on. People change, they go through experiences that mold them – and this can either make them mature or immature.

Well, she doesn’t exactly say it that way, but that’s what I took off it.

On the other hand, you can know yourself entirely. You can know what you’re truly capable of, even when you’re trying to surprise yourself. Ever had those moments for, “Gadamn! Did I just do that?” Yes, you just did that. And the reason you were not doing it before is maybe because you were either not exercising your full potential or you needed to go through that chapter to know that you’re capable of doing that, then you went for it. Also, you’re the only one who has access to your deepest and most secret thoughts – some you’re conscious of and others are in your subconscious. Some of these things you can easily share and tell the other person you’re with, while some you display every other day – and that’s how people get to know you and mistake that for knowing you fully. There others you simply can’t tell just yet, you only unleash them when the time calls for it.

You’re like a video game and your person is the player and you have to be good at the game to be able to unlock different levels of the game. My hubby is a gamer, so sometimes I just have to watch him get stressed about moving to the next level. And the more you unlock, the more you know your player, acquire more resources, and get to carry out a different mission. There are some levels that are more difficult than others and so you have to put in your intelligence and effort to move forward to the next stage, and when you don’t, you’re stuck on the same level. Sometimes you give up, other times you take a breather and try different ways to beat the system, other times you just play just for the sake of playing and hope you’ll eventually get there, and other times you manage to get through and move to the next level. And for some reason, that’s how we tend to be as humans too.

Here’s a quote to take you through the week,

If you want to change the way others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to love yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way that you can be loved. Once you achieve that stage, however be thankful for every thorn that others might throw at you. It is a sign that you will soon be showered in roses. ~ Shamz of Tabriz in 40 Rules of Love.

Wishing you a great start of the week and may it be worth the while.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*