Looking For Friends? Look No Further!
Do you know so & so? Where did you meet? How did this start? Did you know each other before?
These are all questions we ask whenever we meet people who we deem to have a beautiful relationship (whether a romantic one or a friendship). And this got me thinking. What’s so wrong with exploring relationships among friends? There’s someone who had asked how they can make new friends, and I responded by saying “you can try to make friends with friends of friends you like.” Then someone said, “not my friends.” And I wonder, why not?
The keyword here being ‘friends you like’. You can have many friends, but there are specific ones you like (not just love) because you deeply resonate with each other or you both understand the core of who you are, and you connect from that point of view. Imagine this friend has other friends who connect with them just as much as you do and you all exist in different circles.
Are you seeing where I am going with this?
Perhaps I can say that’s how I have formed some of my very close relationships. For instance, yes, I have made fresh friends say from home, church, school, work and so on; then I meet their other friends, and I am like, “I like you, and I think we can be friends too.” Of course, it doesn’t happen with everyone, but that has been a great friendship source, as well as a sure way of nurturing my network. It also doesn’t mean that I’m replacing anyone, I would say I’m adding more value.
Let me tell you, the few times I have tried to explore relationships outside of my circles, that is, people who my people do not know at all, I have seen dust! There’s no reference, which I think is crucial in understanding the dynamics around who they are, how they operate and how you would relate. Anyway, this experience has been necessary to see things from this angle (here cackling as I remember my youth struggles). Not that people I know haven’t shown me dust, but the blow was softer because of the familiarity and friends’ support – the fact that they know and understand what I am talking about, it’s not news to them.
Looking back at conversations we have had with people in our parents’ generation, and I realise that’s how they formed their relationships. They would tell you how they met their partners through their siblings, relatives or friends, and with so much pride. I’ve never thought much about it until now and it makes so much sense. That’s why even when there are issues, they’re able to reach out to each other and see how they can handle them within their circles.
I know the other concern would be “what if there’s a break-up?” Hehe. As with all things in life, it’s inevitable! You can be together for a lifetime; you can fall out, you can outgrow each other, you can choose to go separate ways – there are so many possibilities, and I don’t think this fear of the unknown should stop you from living your best life with the best humans! There’s no shame in hogging on your friends’ friends and wanting to surround yourself with good people and good energy too.
I know I say this with the assumption that everyone has friends already. If you don’t, you can start by making an acquaintance where you work, school, live or social events. People say that your colleagues are not your friends, but some of my close friends are my former colleagues. Do your due diligence, get to know these people, and determine if they are worth occupying the space close to your heart. That’s how you gradually start creating your small circle of friends, what we nowadays call ‘our safe space’.
I can leave you with this quote by Jeff Brown, because it does speak volumes about relationships.
“You don’t measure love in time. You measure love in transformation. Sometimes the longest connections yield very little growth, while the briefest of encounters change everything. The heart doesn’t wear a watch – it’s timeless. It doesn’t care how long you know someone. It doesn’t care if you had a 40 year anniversary if there is no juice in the connection. What the heart cares about is resonance. Resonance that opens it, resonance that enlivens it, resonance that calls it home. And when it finds it, the transformation begins…”
And if you don’t mind, please do share how you make your friends, if not this way. I would love to hear your side of the story too.