Things No One Tells You About An Extrovert
Just Like A Sunflower
Last week I was battling a crazy flu that had me down for a moment. The kind that makes you forget what your life was like pre-flu and you fondly miss it and promise yourself that once you get better, you will appreciate being healthy a little more. Like when you can effortlessly breathe the fresh air without the interference of a constantly running nose with subsequent sneezes. Or when you have energy to do normal day things, like walk around, do house chores, do your workouts, go to work and be productive without feeling drowsy or weak or experiencing some extreme laziness (yes, that’s a symptom that comes along with flu by the way). Now that I am good, I am reminding myself to enjoy the feeling and be grateful for being in tip-top shape.
After this, my emotions took a nosedive and I was just feeling low for absolutely no reason. I mean, this could also be referred to being a woman, but hey. And so the entire weekend, I cancelled any plans I had prior and camped in the house with my pajamas, some snacks and lots of TV. I’ve been re-watching One Tree Hill and boy oh boy! It’s occurring to me all over again why it still is one of my favorite TV shows.
That being beside the point, I found myself thinking about those days that I just want to hide out and not be seen. Not because I am mad at anyone or even that I’m bored (okay, maybe just a lil bit), I just want to take a chill pill and do a lot of NOTHING. I mean, if my bank account allowed me, these are the days I would get away and just have some time out of the ordinary and be one with nature – take a walk by the beach or drive through a lonely road and just enjoy the scenery and soak in the beauty of it all. A place that I don’t have to do much but just appreciate what it has to give.
My persona is the kind that gives and gives and gives especially of myself (and not in terms of resources like money or gifts, ha ha, the way my bank account is currently set up, it doesn’t even allow), and doesn’t necessarily take the time to receive. I will find that I am the one trying to keep the conversation going or I’ll be that person radiating sunshine even when there’s none or believing when there is not so much to believe in or seeing the positives when the negatives are thriving or willing to take up stuff others are not willing to do. In most cases, I like ensuring that the people around me are happy and comfortable and fulfilled and not bored, so I’ll do everything I can to ensure that that’s the case.
And then it gets to a point where I am completely drained and I just don’t have the energy and so I want out for a period of time where I can recharge and renew myself. And perhaps that’s why I love sunflowers so much. I mean, if they were a person, we would be hi5’ing each other and telling each other “I feel your struggle man!” Because it comes naturally, that radiance and openness and warmth, because people are to you what the sun is to sunflowers. You feed off their energy and when like the sun they set, you also kind of wilt.
This past week (most notably) has been that kind of week for me, I’ve been that sunflower that’s wilted, and I am just hoping that the sun shines on me. I have been feeling like I just need to lay low, preferably in some solitude and just exist in my personal space. But the way I’m designed by the good Lord, that’s rather impossible. When people appear I just blossom and it kind of sucks because it’s hard to show what I am actually feeling when I am always smiling and happy-go-lucky – literally rolls eyes (tongue twister by the way, and yes, I read out loud when I am writing #funfact). One of the most difficult things is showcasing an “I don’t know what I feel, but I am neither sad nor happy” face. All I want to do is just want to sit at the corner, but at the same time be nice and smiley and chatty with anyone who comes over.
The one thing I love about my significant other is that he either knows me too well, or he understands what exactly I go through, because he’s so accommodative of all the versions of me – the blossoming sunflower and the wilted one and he just knows what to do and when to do it. Amen!
This is me trying to let you in on why I have been silent this week. I hope it makes some sense, since we’re being honest here. And also, since I am still feeling the same this weekend, I still plan to be indoors. Hopefully I’ll do much more than re-watch One Tree Hill.
Well, these are the things no one tells you about an extrovert 😉