1st Date: Figuring Him Out.
I had done as a Guest Post on Here while ago. I knew a time would come when I’d re-post it. This is it.
The other day, a mutual friend I share with the boyfriend and who’s one of my best friends asked me, “how did you know he was serious?”The question did catch me off-guard and all I responded was, “he told me so”. Then I thought that’s pretty stupid of me considering actions speak louder than words. I felt that maybe I need to explain to her a little further on how it transpired. Just so that she’s not told by someone who’s trying to woe her, that he’s serious, get’s into it and he turns out to be a douche. I am very territorial when it comes to people I love and I never want to see them get hurt. If only it was in my ability.
So this is what transpired. I was single for a while, in this time I met all kind of guys and from each I met, even if nothing was intended per se, I would kind of size them up then ask myself, “can I handle this one or is this the kind of person I want to be with for the rest of my life?”. Yes, I was sizing up anyone who showed interest in me and it’s the answer to this BIG question that used to slap me back to reality. The reality that told me, “keep off”. It even got to a point my family and friends wondered if I was serious and I would get worried lectures. In my head, I’m like; “it’s me who’s in the playground, not you”. Of course I didn’t tell them that but I totally downplayed the situation.
Sad thing then but good thing now, is I knew what I wanted in a guy. So when I didn’t see it coming, why bother? I wasn’t looking for perfection because I know there isn’t but there are those basic things I wanted to see and experience, that is commitment, ambition, openness and attraction not necessarily in that order but at least they should be featured. Commitment, in his relationships and work. Ambition in the sense that he’s working towards something, he’s visionary. Openness in that he feel obliged to share with me everything in his past and present, it boils down to respect and humility. Attraction, nothing is happening if there’s none. From how he talks, looks, basically how he is, physically, mentally, spiritually. It’s like a magnet, you either attract or repel.
When I met my boyfriend (sounds like a novel story), I had known him from a while back but we had never had conversation past hi and probably, “it’s a pleasure meeting you”. In my mind, I had decided that I’m going on a sabbatical from men – no dates, no meet up’s etcetera and while at I was praying for a man, my man. I mean, I don’t want to grow old and grey alone, who does? I think I was just fed up by a certain breed of men that I kept attracting. The kind that didn’t fulfil the basic requirements of the man I’d like to be with. It was not amusing, if anything it was quite disheartening. So, even when we started chatting, I was just doing it because he was (still is) pretty interesting. We’re like kindred spirits, so our conversations were in sync. I am not the best at keeping in touch especially via chat or text but he knew how to get me responding and hooked while at it. Then we meet up for date 1 and all my basic requirements bulb lights just blink tick, tick, tick, tick. If I could, I would have asked him out, but I’m traditional, so I took a chill pill.
We talked about everything and anything there was to talk about. I don’t know if there’s a date rule for don’t tell him/her everything on the first date. We went all out, you know like, disgusting example but it’s the best I can think of to describe the situation right now. You know how you feel like farting and you have to hold it in for a while because … ‘lady in the streets’ and when you reach the bathroom or a secluded place you let it all out with such relief. That’s how it was, such a relief and the “fart” went something like, “I’ve finally met you, I don’t have anything to lose, so let me just let it all out … take me as I am or leave me.” That’s how I knew he was serious. The fact that he knew what he wanted, he wanted me and made that pretty clear without a wince or a doubt. I mean what else do I want to hear? If that wasn’t God playing match maker, I don’t know, because apparently he’d also been praying for woman, his woman.
It’s not a walk in the park, but it’s definitely worth the stay in the park. In the park, there are banana split rides, roller coasters, all with their highs and lows. We are different, each with our own strengths and weakness that get us to be so mad at each other but also get us to be so in love with each other. Balancing the highs and lows is very important. We’re as real as we get especially with each other. If you make me mad, you do and I let you know. If you make me happy, you do and I let you know, if it gets boring, it is, we figure what to do to make it more interesting. It’s not as easy as it sounds written but I’m happy I have someone to experience this with. My overlycool. You LIVE, you LEARN, you LOVE.
Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*