What Am I Even Writing About?
Questions I ask myself.
I shouldn’t say how much I have missed this space, because that’s so me when I’m tapped out and then I make a comeback! But in true Kenyan style, we say what we said we won’t say. I’ve really missed this space.
What have I been doing while I was not making some constructive noise here? Well, my spirit needed healing (still does and always will). That’s what I’ve been up to if I’m to be quite honest, with a pinch of laziness and sprinkle of procrastination. Many times I’ve looked at my website and the thought of writing something has me feeling so jaded. There’s a month I went in on it if you remember and I was writing every other day. It felt good, but at the same time it also felt a little overwhelming. Maybe I’m not cut out to write every day, maybe I wasn’t ready for that huge responsibility I had placed on myself. It’s also said that when you’re happy, then you barely have anything to write about. As for things I’m not happy about, I don’t feel like writing about them just yet.
So I got stuck. Wondering ‘what am I even writing about?’ ‘what do I even want to write about?’ I love that this is what I’m feeling, because that means I’m questioning my entire existence. Do you ever look at yourself and wonder, ‘why am I ever here?’ Like what’s my main purpose in life (my raison d’etre) and how does my existence impact anyone or anything for that matter.
This past week, there are two things that triggered these thoughts. The first was that our company hosted a forum for the ladies! It was such a beautiful forum and we had some speakers who shared their stories with us. I love knowing more about people. How they got to where they are, the little steps they took to get there, the things they went through, their drive, their guiding principles, what they stand for, what they don’t stand for, how they navigate through life and so on.
The speakers were career women who’ve drawn up their career paths and are making some headway in their different paths and while at it, bringing along with them the things/people that matter to them. Very impressive! The second thing, is the Nike ads. Especially the short clip that features Eluid Kipchoge, as he sets a new world record in the marathon in Berlin. The feeling he expressed at the finish line made my heart melt. I felt so happy for him.
I found inspiration in those two events. I mean here’s someone who shares stories non-stop and here’s another who runs (literally) with every bone in their body and they both have an impact. It got me thinking of from a ‘what can I do?’ point of view.
So many times I have found myself thinking of purpose as this big thing that is indescribable and unattainable. Other times, I judge myself harshly because what I see as my purpose could be small or invaluable in the eyes of some (mine even), but to another person, it could mean the world. It’s taken me a while to get it, but at least we’ve gotten there all the same.
Purpose is that thing that tugs at your heart. That thing that brings you a certain sense of joy and fulfillment and whose void cannot be filled by other things that are not IT. Click To Tweet
If you’re not doing IT, you feel the emptiness, you feel the guilt, and you feel its absence of IT in your life. Click To Tweet I also feel that purpose should be both inward and outward seeking in the sense that as it brings you fulfilment, but it also needs to have a positive impact on another... Click To Tweet– whether it’s one or a million, it doesn’t matter.
Let’s do an exercise, how about your grab a piece of paper or sticky note and just write down that thing(s) that makes you feel that way. It could be the silliest of things! I’ve been realising that the silliest of things are the ones that will actually elevate you and when you least expect it. They could seem silly to you, but when you’re acting on them, to another, it could be their lifeline.